Living With MBC Without a Caregiver (Part 2)

This is part 2 of a 2-part series on living with MBC without a caregiver. The previous article addressed how this situation adds extra challenges to living with MBC. This article offers tips and suggestions for managing life with MBC without a caregiver.

Living with MBC as a single parent

 
If you are like me—living with an incurable disease as a single parent without a caregiver—you may wonder what you can do. Here are some things that helped me find strength on the journey, despite not having a caregiver. I hope these ideas help you too!

Build your support circle

Building my support circle was key. Sometimes the support circle might be family, friends, or a mix of both. I have also joined several online groups for MBC patients. I am not afraid to tell my people, "Hey, you are my support system and I need you." And I am not afraid to ask, "Can I count on you to walk through this with me?"

Appreciate the friends who show up

I always thank those who show up to help. It's truly heart-warming. These helpers may show up consistently, or only for a short time. Either way, I make a point to tell my support system that I appreciate them. Saying thank you reminds friends and family of the unique role they play in my life, especially since I do not have a caregiver.

Ask for what you need

Without a caregiver, we get used to doing things on our own, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Asking for help might mean asking for a ride to an appointment or asking for meals after surgery. As the one living with MBC, I try to save energy for the things I MUST do. I let others help with the rest. It’s okay to ask for help with non-cancer things, too! Sometimes I just need help with laundry because I have no energy for it. My family is happy to help!

Share the load

I try not to overwhelm any single friend or family member. Some weeks I might have the energy to do it all. Other weeks, I might be calling on multiple friends. I find that taking turns with my friends spreads the load. I let friends know I will reach out when I need help, whether it’s running an errand, a visit, or just a listening ear.

Take time to process

Without a consistent caregiver, I need to make time to process my feelings. I might use a group text to share details with trusted friends. Or, I might have a monthly lunch with a best friend who will listen and let me vent. Whatever the outlet, I make time to process with people I trust.

Allow permission to feel the extra emotion

I go to therapy frequently. I accept the reality: living with MBC is hard, and doing it without a partner or caregiver is even harder. It’s okay to feel these emotions. It’s okay to wish things were different. Once I give myself permission to feel, I can commit to making the best of the situation.

Editor’s Note: We are extremely saddened to say that on April 3, 2023, Amanda passed away. Amanda’s advocacy efforts and writing continue to reach many. She will be deeply missed.