Reviewing - Rebuilding and Refocusing

In the last two months, I have had to review how I looked at relationships with my siblings and rebuild my faith after my eldest sister’s passing. The heart-wrenching, life-changing event of watching my twin sister fight for her life as she was placed on a ventilator for two weeks.

Thankfully, she has pulled through; however, she has a long road to recovery and that doesn’t come without refocusing and creating a new mindset with her now new normal.

Changes

From the initial phone call when my twin told me that she wasn’t feeling well and her informing me that she had to go to the hospital, everything changed for her, her husband and children, our family, my husband, and myself.

My life became like a dense fog. I found myself fighting to get through the fog of my twin having emergency surgery, being on life support, and my becoming the point of contact for friends and family.

My life became a series of phone calls, texts, and several mini-breakdowns. Within two weeks my twin underwent seven surgeries, being on life support and having several organs being removed. Why? All because patient care wasn’t important enough for one physician. A physician who didn’t follow through regardless of the numerous phone calls my sister made to his office. His only job was to call the pharmacy and put in a prescription for my twin’s IBS.

His failure to do follow up could have been because his patient overload had caused many patient's cases to fall through the cracks. He may have asked his PA to do it. Whatever the case may have been, his failure to follow up with my twin sister resulted in her bowels rupturing, thus causing a snowball effect.

As my twin fought for her life, I found myself fighting for my sanity. I couldn’t lose my twin, not now, not ever. My twin intuition went into overload. I found myself feeling what she felt. I felt her slipping away, and there was nothing that I could do.

At one point I found myself calling the nurses station asking if my twin had passed away. Little did I know at the very time I was on the phone with the nurses' station, my twin was in surgery and she had indeed passed away. When she became alert enough, the doctor informed her that she had passed away three times and that he fought to keep her alive.

Practicing self-care

This recent ordeal with my twin caused me to abandon self-care. Not in the form of hygiene but in the form of emotional abandonment. Every thought became all things my twin sister. How dare I be selfish enough to think about myself when my twin's life hung in the balance? I had to make sure that she was okay before I could think about anything else.

After sixteen and a half days she was stable enough to be released from the hospital. Even though she was released from the hospital, the battle had only just begun. Her fight to remain here had to be stronger than any emotional or physical obstacle that she would face in her battle for wellness, and I would help her as much as she would allow me to.

Accepting help

So my husband and I have been at my twin's home for three weeks helping her and her husband out until she's stable enough to be on her own. However, here’s the challenge: My twin is NOT accustomed to receiving help. Her love language is acts of service, as is mine. Now that she’s on the receiving end, it’s difficult for her to accept. My helping her has placed me in a very awkward position.

I’m used to just getting things done without any stumbling blocks. However, in my twin's case, it has caused her to rebrand me as "Nurse Ratched".

Reflection

As I review, rebrand, and refocus on our new relationship, it has caused me to take a hard look at myself and ask some difficult questions as someone living with metastatic breast cancer. Where am I not willing to accept help? How am I setting healthy boundaries? How can I set aside my ego and ask for help? How am I sabotaging my wellness? How can I receive help without the baggage of judgment or self-pity? How can I sit in the seat of gratitude?

While providing care for others we also can receive the precious gift of self-reflection when we review whatever situations we may find ourselves in.

How have you practiced self-care during challenging times?