What NOT to Say to Someone with MBC
We know most people mean well and are trying to be positive, uplifting, or helpful but sometimes, those messages fall flat and completely miss the mark.
What have you heard someone say that should NOT be said to someone with MBC?
Conversely, please feel free to comment with a rephrasing of what someone could say instead.
"you can beat this". Clueless people with good intention, I know but . . .
Hi
& - I know you're not alone in your experiences with others. Although you aren't obligated to give a response or acknowledge their comments, what about something gentle but to the point; "While I appreciate your optimism, this isn't a cold or something I'm going to beat or feel better from," and you could take a moment to help educate the person on your condition and where you stand with it. Or, if you'd rather keep it short and sweet, you could say something like, "I know you're trying to be positive, and I appreciate it." As said, most have good intentions but don't know the specifics, so it's an excellent chance to acknowledge their sentiment while expressing your reality. Sending you both support and strength every step of the way! Hugs, -Beth (Team Member)
It really hurts my heart when someone says "Hope you feel better soon!" I don't have a cold, I have Stage 4 cancer. It may be petty, but when I hear this, I feel like the person I'm talking to hasn't heard me or my fears AT ALL. It feels very dismissive.
I don't think this is petty at all, Burner. I think you're incredibly valid in everything you said. I know people mean well when they say things like that, but sometimes, it means so much more for people to just say nothing and listen to what someone is telling them. I think what you said is so absolutely true and I'm really glad you shared your point of view. Thank you!!! ❤️
You are the healthiest looking sick person I know. That just frosts my cookies.
I want to address your first statement but first, I have to admit, I chuckled a little bit when I read "that just frosts my cookies." I've never heard that before, and I immediately loved it! What a charming way to say that something really grinds your gears. I'm totally going to borrow that phrase if you don't mind! Lol, thank you for sharing that! And thank you for sharing your first comment about "you are the healthiest looking sick person I know." Wow. That's such a hurtful and dismissive thing to say to someone. I don't even know what I would say to someone if I heard that. Was this something that was said to you? Did you have a response for them? ❤️
ah yes, I often hear "but you look so good" or "you're lucky to be doing so well to enjoy your retirement!".
All of this comes from a good intention and it is always difficult for colleagues to find comforting words.. that is how I realize how little information they have on the subject of stage IV and that they don't know what we experience inside our body and our morale!
even though their comments come from a place of good intentions it can still be dismissive and hurtful. Also, not everyone has a way with words unfortunately. I hope you know we're always here for you. How are you doing today? Sending hugs. -Jessica (Team Member)
