Feeling Left Out: How MBC Affects Plans and Friendships

Does having metastatic breast cancer ever make you feel forgotten by others? I feel like I am often left out or forgotten. Let me explain.

Realizing you're not being invited

Do you ever see friends or family out doing activities together, and you think, "Wait, why wasn't I invited?" Then you figure that somebody didn't invite you because they assume you wouldn't be able to handle it.

After all, you have metastatic breast cancer. It could be an activity they thought you couldn't do, but you could actually participate in it. Maybe they didn't invite you because you often cancel plans, assuming you don't want to attend.

How do you feel about that? I often feel upset, sad, and disappointed. Then I sit home and sulk.

Feeling forgotten with metastatic breast cancer

I don't appreciate how people just assume I can't participate, won't attend, or don't have any interest in being included. To me, I have begun to feel like the black sheep of my family. I just want to scream out, "Don't forget me! I'm still here! I am still alive and I still want to be invited even if I don't come!"

So what can we, as people living with metastatic breast cancer, do to help not to feel forgotten or excluded?

We can adapt to certain limitations

The first thing that most people assume is that we aren't physically able to do much, which isn't always true. Yes, it can be true that we have physical limitations, but there are always ways to overcome them.

When my bones ache, I can get around in a wheelchair, with a cane, or a walker.

Life with MBC can be unpredictable

Do you cancel plans frequently? Has this led to people no longer inviting you because they know you'll cancel? That's me; I will cancel because with metastatic breast cancer, you never know how you're going to feel on any given day. I will feel fantastic when I make plans ahead of time. But 2 weeks later, when it's time to enjoy those plans, I may feel like I can't even leave my bed. So I have to cancel. This leads most people to assume that I'm unreliable. That is true sometimes, but don't forget about me anyway! Simply being considered is all I ask.

We just want to be included and feel seen. We must speak up, though, or people will not understand and believe we are okay with being left behind. Talk to your friends and family and tell them you still want to be invited even though you cannot go. When you make plans, be honest about the likelihood that your symptoms may get in the way of feeling well enough to attend when the time comes.

With metastatic breast cancer, life is unpredictable, and it can affect those around us. Friends and family usually have good intentions, but we want people to know that we are still here and we still want to be included.

Do you ever feel left out? How do you deal with it?