A woman with short hair rests in bed at night scrolling through her phone expressing mixed emotions

It Is Okay To Feel Envious of Those Without Cancer

Last updated: July 2022

This article is raw and honest.

If you have advanced breast cancer and you say you have never felt jealous of those without cancer or even those who had breast cancer and were cured, I would think you are not telling the truth.

Those may seem like harsh words, but this is the reality for most of us with advanced breast cancer. You might think I am mean and heartless to feel this way, but I am only human and can not help it.

Cancer is complex for anyone who has to endure it. It is physically and mentally challenging for ALL.

Reality of advanced breast cancer

I am not trying to discount what others experience, but I feel it is different for us with advanced breast cancer. Terminal cancer is what we have. No cure for it; it will kill us eventually.

We do not get to ring the bell and have celebratory parties when our treatments are over. We never get to hear congratulations for beating cancer. We only get pitty looks and stares and uncomfortable conversations.

This article may be uncomfortable to read, but this is our reality.

Constant fear and anxiety

Seeing others on social media enjoying their families, new babies, grandbabies, vacations, and fun days on the lake with friends looks terrific, but that is not our reality. Some of us don't get to have kids, and some of us don't get to hold our grandbabies.

While you are sitting at the beach with friends and family enjoying your weekend, we are at home in our bed or with our heads over the toilet. No one comes to visit us because it is depressing and your friends don't know what to say or how to act.

Now, let me say this, I am not saying you should feel bad or even guilty if you get to live everyday life without the constant daily fear and anxiety of thinking this could be my last day or my last holiday.

Everyone is entitled to their own feelings

I am merely trying to explain how someone with advanced breast cancer could feel envious and why it is OKAY to feel that way. Everyone is entitled to their feelings, and that is OKAY.

So, how do we get over these feelings of jealousy and resentment? Well, we don't. We acknowledge them and allow ourselves the feelings.

Then, we must remind ourselves that all those perfect lives we see are not always as they seem. It would be best never to compare your life to anyone else because we all have struggles. We may feel like ours are worse than others, and that's okay to feel that way.

Things to be thankful for

Just don't let it take over your daily thoughts. Someone always has it worse than you. Be thankful for what you do have. Another beautiful day of sunshine, food and water to nourish your body, a good scan or test, a day that you feel good enough to play with your kids, and so much more.

Blessings can be hard to find in this life with advanced breast cancer, but we can not hold resentment and jealousy in our hearts. We are alive, and that in itself is a huge blessing.

By providing your email address, you are agreeing to our privacy policy.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AdvancedBreastCancer.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

or create an account to comment.

Community Poll

Has metastatic breast cancer affected your ability to start or maintain romantic relationships?