A Wake-up Call for Caregivers: Acknowledge Your Mental Health

"Your physical health is not what worries me the most about you," Dr. Jim told me.

"It's not?" I replied.

This conversation began several months ago during a routine checkup with Dr. Jim, who stepped in as my regular physician. Dr. Jim's fresh perspective led to an unexpected revelation that surprised and resonated with me.

A routine physical exam

As he reviewed my vitals and medical history, Dr. Jim offered encouraging news about my physical health. However, he strongly recommended comprehensive blood work and, given my age (I just turned 46), suggested a colonoscopy – not exactly the birthday gift I had in mind.

Dr. Jim becomes Dr. Phil

Our conversation could have ended there, but Dr. Jim delved into my personal life. I shared the 8-year journey of caring for my wife, who has battled stage IV breast cancer.

That's when his eyes widened.

Dr. Jim was just finishing a Ph.D. in psychology. He expressed genuine concern about my role as a full-time caregiver for my spouse, emphasizing that such a responsibility is typically reserved for trained professionals.

He emphasized the heightened risk of mental and psychological challenges, including excessive stress, potential breakdowns, and an increased likelihood of depression.

Sharing about my mental health

"Oh, yeah," I replied. "I feel all of that."

Yet, I put on my "big boy pants" and added, "I'm okay. We've been doing this for a long time now."

But Dr. Jim didn't seem entirely convinced. He replied, "I just want you to know resources are available to help you with these challenges, such as counseling, support groups, and even medication if necessary. All you have to do is ask."

"Alright, thanks," I responded, eager to leave after a sleepless night.

Experiencing mental health challenges as a caregiver

However, his words lingered like a bad song. Deep down, I knew Dr. Jim was right. I often feel a persistent undercurrent of depression, anger, anxiety, and overwhelm.

Even months after our conversation, Dr. Jim's warning occasionally comes to mind. I still feel the weight of his words. But what can I do about it?

Acknowledging my struggles

Dr. Jim's acknowledgment of my struggles made a significant difference. For years, I had suppressed these emotions, attributing them to my role and believing I should be stronger. Consequently, I often felt isolated in my marriage and the world.

Caregivers: you are not weak or crazy

I want to convey to fellow caregivers that you are not alone. Your underlying burden is real and can impact your mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Recognizing it, as Dr. Jim and I did, can provide a sense of solace.

Dr. Jim didn't offer an immediate solution; I haven't acted on his advice yet. However, acknowledging the issue and verbalizing it provided validation that I am neither weak nor crazy.

Small steps towards prioritizing mental health

While I remain skeptical about state-run programs, I made a significant life change that has improved my well-being, a topic I'll address in a future article.

Ultimately, my message to caregivers is simple: You are not alone, and acknowledging your challenges can be the first step toward finding relief.