Part 4: There’s more life for me to live- NEAD!

Content warning: The following article mentions details surrounding the author’s experiences with self-harm, which may be upsetting for some readers. Please know that there are many resources available for support including the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) and online chat.

I reached out to a Facebook group for people diagnosed with MBC and a breast cancer website chat/blog site of those who had brain lesions. I felt like the love just kept pouring in. I knew without a doubt people cared about me and that helped keep my spirits up. These are the things that worked for me. November 15, 2018 I turned 50. November 18 my middle daughter almost had a successful suicide attempt. She was in ICU 3 days before she woke up. She has a little boy that I took care of during that time. On November 27th I got the news that my scans had come back NEAD. No Evidence of Active Disease. I was amazed and dumbfounded. I knew that it was improving, but I was absolutely not expecting the news to be that good. It took a while to sink in. Everyone else saw it as a cure. Few people really understand why I still do treatment every 3 weeks. They don't get why I have so much fatigue. I don't complain much, because it doesn't help me stay positive.

I don't like labels, like a survivor, warrior or even Metavivor. I am just a person who has lived through a lot of trauma from treatment, is still getting treatment, breathing and living the best I can.

Staying active

I have a lot of days all I can do is sleep. I am grateful for each moment. I have chronic pain from 3 herniated discs, arthritis in most of my joints, and fatigue from the treatment that physically I can't do much. I do what I can to stay active, eat a little better than before, and I am currently learning Spanish, French and German on an app. It is something I can do that takes almost no effort. It makes me happy. I have really good days too. I go on trips with my sweetheart, I play with my grandson and I try not to overdo it. So on trips, I sleep as much as I can and limit my activities. I also limit the time I have with my grandson, so I have more time with him in the long run.

Loving my family & living life to the fullest

It is very frustrating to not be able to work. I recently was thinking about applying to jobs. I have been helping a friend with a project, but I am going to have to bow out. I was enjoying it a lot. I can't just help them and sleep. That is not how I want to live while I am alive. I want to spend whatever time I have left loving my family and living to the fullest I can. I want to be of service in some way, so I hope this has been helpful to someone. I am currently working on a meditation book based on spiritual principles. I hope it is helpful to others when I am done.

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This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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