MBC, Why Me?

I was diagnosed in January 2020. Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. What does that even mean? I thanked the doctor for the information as I tear a kleenex that happened to be in my hand. Wow. My brain, my throat, my breast were all affected. I couldn't swallow my own saliva, I was starving for food and I was alone.

Navigating a stage 4 diagnosis

I am still maneuvering this diagnosis. Will I be here to teach my grandbabies? Do I have enough time to break free of an abusive relationship with a narcissist and be able to heal from the damage suffered over the past 15 years with this man? Can I make it up to my kids? Can we heal each other and be happy? Without addictions and resentments. IS THERE TIME? The narcissist factor is huge to me. He has affected every cell in me, everything, every turn, every choice I have made was because of some sort of manipulation or game being played. And I was a very smart, independent woman.

The emotional toll

Now I'm lost, stage 4 cancer, and no money to attack this in ways I want to. I'm at a loss. I need help, can't ask anytime because I have allowed degradation to my soul. I ignored the lump in my breast. I screamed its cancer and it's your fault. I wanted to die.

Wanting my power back

I don't want to die anymore. I want my life back, I WANT MY POWER BACK. Can I hope for recovery from so many issues? More later. I need to think about the direction I want to go.

This is my story.