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Words of Advice

Steph Millett's avatar image

By Steph Millett

3 min read

Throughout any cancer journey, advanced stages or not, you will likely receive a lot of unsolicited advice. This advice can come from anyone in your life. Doctors can give you some pretty sound advice, while strangers can provide guidance from a place of love. That advice isn't always that helpful, and sure, they can mean well, but most of the time, it isn't useful.

I will share various encounters with advice I've heard throughout my 9 long years in "Cancerland."

Advice from oncologists

An amazing oncologist

I have seen a few different kinds of oncologists this past decade, and most of them have been incredible. My first oncologist in Seattle was a nerd like me who loved watching the sleeve of tattoos on my arm grow after treatment.

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She was the type of doctor who encouraged me to live a fulfilling life during and after cancer treatment. I adored her and was incredibly nervous to meet my next oncologist. We forged an incredible relationship, however, and that next oncologist was my rock during my diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer.

A doctor who didn't connect

After moving to Phoenix, the first doctor I saw was low on my list of favorites. He was very focused on my weight and ended up body-shaming me into changing doctors. While that type of advice is generally meant for good, I have a very tough relationship with my body. The last thing on my mind is a number on a scale. I am more focused on how good my body feels and how mindful movement is more important to me than working out and hitting the gym.

Advice from friends and family

Friends and family can come to you with incredible advice as well as your medical team. These little nuggets of information can be helpful or incredibly unhelpful. I once had a family member beg me to go on an all raw vegan diet after my first diagnosis. They had read that you can fight cancer with vegetables and alkalizing your diet.

While there might be some truth in that, completely changing the way you eat isn't exactly a good idea when your body is already going through so much. However, I have supportive friends, and many of them have taught me to slow down, listen to my body, and ask for what I need. Those tips have been essential to how I live my life.

Advice from strangers

Strangers can have some of the weirdest things to say, it would seem. Some folks like to relay everything they hear from anyone, no matter how far-fetched they sound:

  • "Apricot pits can kill cancer cells; here, have some, and you will be cured!"
  • "Sugar can feed cancer cells, you know, so do not eat ANYTHING with sugar in it!"
  • "My great aunt died from your exact type of cancer, you know. You should be careful!"

I can understand that people can have their hearts in the right place, but this is often so unhelpful. There is not enough sound research behind most of those claims, and hearing about how your family member died from whatever cancer I have does not make me feel better.

So, whether you are newly diagnosed with cancer, or a seasoned "Cancerland" resident, make sure you filter the advice that comes your way. Everyone's journey is different, and people's bodies are all different.

What works for your friend in California may not work for you. What's most important is listening to your body and making a good relationship with your medical team.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AdvancedBreastCancer.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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