Two women worriedly hold hands and look at each other in a doctors office, while the doctor looks at them quizzically

Queer Relationship on Clinic Days

Last updated: April 2023

One thing I do not see a lot of in the breast cancer community is queer relationships. I sometimes feel different when researching a topic of discussion within my relationship, because there aren’t a lot of relationships that have the sort of uniqueness that mine does.

Not that my relationship with my wife should be any different than any other love matches out there. We love each other, we stand by each other no matter what, and the law says we can now have the same last name. Hooray! I feel like that’s a pretty standard marriage in this day and age.

Having our relationship questioned

It’s interesting to go into the clinic and have our relationship questioned. Some people chuckle at how close we are and comment on the cuteness of our friendship/ siblingship/ what have you, and sometimes it sticks with us. Most days it doesn’t, but on the days it does make it a little more difficult to manage.

One thing that stands out in my mind is when we had a nurse teach before going on a type of oral chemotherapy. Sure the handout was pretty standard- it named the possible side effects and what it could do to me, and what it could do to people that come in close contact with me. There was information about pets, kids, and husbands. That was when we had to ask questions that were a little different for the nurse.

Well, what about two sets of female parts?

Same-sex relationship information

Something that to us, seemed totally normal and fine, but to the handout and honestly to the nurse as well, there were no answers. The handout had information about condom usage and pregnancy prevention, but nothing about same-sex relationships.

What possibly sets my wife and I apart from other folks is that we will ask the questions, and maybe someone else won’t when they are presented with this information. It goes without saying, this information should be more readily available to the community.

Standard of care should be the same

Another memory that comes to mind is when I had my oophorectomy. At the time, we were very sure about our stance with future children.

Now, a couple of years out, we look back with a little bit of sadness and grief, because maybe some of my eggs could have been frozen before removal, or anything along those lines. It calls to stories of people having to ask permission from their partners to get a hysterectomy before the age of 35.

My experience in the clinic is different, and unique to my case, sure, but it shouldn’t be that far out of the norm to seek out information about same-sex couples in the clinics. This information frankly should be standard, and I’m hoping that one day it is.

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