Parenting With Breast Cancer: What I Wish I Knew as a New Mom

Having small kids during cancer adds another level of exhaustion to an already difficult experience. On March 6, 2015, my world changed when I was diagnosed with stage 3 triple negative breast cancer.

Not only would I be expecting my sweet baby girl in a matter of weeks (I was 32 weeks pregnant), but I also had a 15-month-old son. Suddenly, I was facing the reality of cancer treatment on top of parenting both a newborn and a toddler.

Coping with diagnosis and treatment exhaustion

During my diagnosis and treatment phase, people often asked me about that time in my life, and I would shrug it off, saying I was not sure what was baby exhaustion versus cancer treatment exhaustion and side effects. But one thing I know for sure: it was the lowest I had ever felt in my life.

It is to be expected, I suppose, but I hate saying that because the anticipation of my baby girl was beyond exciting and magical. Still, I was sad, mad, exhausted, depressed, and—above all—resentful that this happened to me. When I look back, those are the feelings that still overwhelm me. I don’t remember much about the first four months of Anna's life; it was a blur of sadness.

But I am not a sad person, so here are a few things I wish I had done to help me live better days and remember the good moments.

Tips for navigating breast cancer treatment as a new parent

Keep a journal

If you are parenting with breast cancer while caring for small children or a newborn like I was, keep a journal to note the daily memories you make with your family.

Maybe you went out for a walk and your child said the darndest thing, your husband grabbed your hand and kissed it, or your baby fell asleep on your chest. These entries are wonderful reminders to reread after the fog lifts. It is also a great place to record the support people offered. So many people stepped up to help me during those months, and I wish I had made notes of it all because—big or small—their kindness meant the world to me.

Get outside

Leaving the house with small kids can be tough, especially when you are not feeling well, but the outdoors is your friend. Getting out for a walk gets your body moving and your blood pumping. Taking that first step can be hard, but it is always the best decision—plus, kids love fresh air. On lower-energy days, I also loved setting up a beach chair in my driveway where I could watch the kids play and feel some sun on my skin.

Accept help

Accepting help was really hard for me when I was sick; I sometimes felt like it was admitting defeat. But nothing is further from the truth. Accepting help gives you the chance to take care of yourself. If someone offers to tackle the piling laundry—say yes!

If someone wants to bring over dinner—say yes! If they offer to watch the kids so you can take a nap, go for a walk, or read a book—say yes! Take that time to rest and heal. The better you feel, the better you can parent and be present for your children.