How Cancer Taught Me to Sit with Sadness and Practice Self-Kindness

In today’s airbrushed, social-media-driven world, it can be hard to know what anyone is truly feeling. We all face constant pressure to stay positive and pretend everything is fine, but forcing ourselves to feel good all the time simply isn't realistic—or healthy. Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I used to ignore my true feelings, power through, and pretend I was okay. Cancer changed that for me completely. It taught me the importance of honoring every emotion rather than pushing it down.

Embracing sadness after breast cancer

Now, when sadness comes, I allow myself to feel it without judgment. Our feelings aren't a sign of failure; they are simply indicators of where we are in the moment.

I remember waking up after my first Thanksgiving following my divorce. Although the holiday itself was lovely and spent with my daughters and parents, I still felt a deep, heavy sadness. Instead of fighting it or trying to fix it, I allowed myself to cry. I accepted how I felt and reminded myself that sadness is temporary—it never lasts forever.

During those moments, I pay close attention to my inner dialogue. I make a conscious effort to speak to myself the way I would talk to a best friend. If a dear friend were hurting, I would offer comfort, not criticism. We so often treat others with far more grace than we extend to ourselves, but we have the power to change that habit. I used to keep myself frantically busy so I wouldn't have time to process my emotions. Now, I choose to sit with them.

Practicing gentle self-care

Learning to sit with my feelings has become a transformative daily practice. My new mantra is simple: pay as much attention to your own needs as you do to everyone else's.

When sadness sets in, I focus on small, comforting acts that bring peace:

• Brewing a warm cup of ginger tea
• Taking my dog, Douglas, for a walk without my phone
• Taking a quiet power nap
• Practicing a short meditation

Respect your feelings, give yourself permission to experience them, and engage in gentle acts that bring you real comfort. Above all, remember the most essential part of the process: always speak to yourself with kindness.