Let's Talk About Emotional Triggers

I admit it's fun to listen to sad love songs when you're far away from the one you love. We all do it at some point in our lives. When love is new, we feel pangs of both rapture and heartbreak, and it's a delicious pain. We feel alive, and every neuron in our nervous system tingles. Like playing with a sore tooth, like so many songs describe, it hurts so good. So, let's talk about cancer-related emotional triggers.

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Avoiding emotional triggers

During my wife's battle with advanced breast cancer, I avoided triggers of sadness and impending loss like the plague. Instinctively, I knew better than to play with matches. The fire was too hot and painful, and it held no promise of pleasure whatsoever.

I'm a professional singer-songwriter who has always put my happy and sad emotions into my songs. Music was the place I ran to when I needed to sort things out for myself. Facing cancer, though, there suddenly was no place for me to hide. The pain and fear ran too deep, even for music. It was too raw, too immediate.

Distracting myself from hard emotions

So where did I go? Funny enough, I went to political topics on social media. Yes, non-political old me! I poured myself into it, not aggressively but rationally, in the spirit of proper debate, not pointless argument. It really worked for me, and it filled a lot of empty time sitting in waiting rooms while my wife received medical care. I don't recommend this for everyone because it can get brutal. I grew a pretty thick skin to escape specific emotional triggers.

Finding some peace

After my wife's passing, I ditched politics, closing my accounts, not watching the news, and avoiding conversations on current events altogether. 2 years later, I lived a life of relative peace. In my memories, that period of cancer, COVID lockdown, and politics is no different than my memories of the late 1960s with all of their turmoil.

I no longer expose myself to triggers I know will send me into a downward spin. I guess you could say I've gone off the grid where societal stresses are concerned. It's become the most significant part of my self-care. Sometimes, I hear a song that reminds me of my wife, and I allow it to touch me. But when it's over, I leave those feelings there and walk on.

Now, talking about my wife is therapeutic

The good news is that these triggers lose their potency as time passes. I can smile nostalgically when certain songs play and talk about my wife now without my heart sinking. In fact, talking about her has become therapeutic.

I only wish my friends understood this and felt free to bring her up in conversation. I wish they wouldn't be silent and solemn when discussing her. I'm ready to laugh at the old memories we shared. These days, I recognize a trigger from 20 paces, and I quickly discern the effect it will have on me. I suppose it's one of my new superpowers.

Have you gained any new superpowers over emotional triggers? Let us know in the comments.